Do Asian and Western leaders lead through crisis same or differently? While there may be stylistic differences and some culture-specific nuances, raw emotional honesty and going back to a greater, noble purpose are universally important. To have positive influence in difficult times and situations, a leader needs to align his/her emotions and empathy without getting caught up in the whirlwind of emotions that inevitably arises.
“Having Empathy is far more than having Emotions”, Stacy said during our interview for this Newsletter Edition. Stacy is a seasoned executive and leader who now coaches other leaders, including in LinHart programs; she brings a wealth of experience from the US military, corporate America, Wall Street and the US Congress. According to Stacy, empathy is the ability to put yourself in other people’s shoes with a keen awareness of the issues people have, and how to deal with them. “It involves understanding their perspectives, and acknowledging their feelings without being overwhelmed by them”. Being able to tap into your own emotions is necessary but not sufficient. Empathy requires you to be other-centric. Leadership goes further, to inspire yourself and others with an emotionally resonant “why”, a worthwhile purpose.
In the Desert Shield exercise [when Stacy was in the US military] many years ago, Stacy and her team were operating in the field and hadn’t slept in days. They were guarding the oil barracks, and extremely exhausted. Looking back, Stacy wasn’t sure if they would survive. One of the soldiers asked Stacy if they would die during this exercise and what to do about it. In that crisis moment of low morale, Stacy could have responded in a rational manner stating there was no way they would be attacked at this particular location. But she chose to state that they had a key strategic location behind them, and even if she were to die, she was going to defend that location till the very end. She left that conversation wondering if she said the right thing, but from the soldier’s face, he was satisfied with his answer. (HJ to Elaine: please clarify if the fear of death comes from exhaustion or potential attack, the front of the paragraph suggests the formal, the latter part of the paragraph suggests the latter, the dissonance dents the impact of the paragraph).
It was raw honesty and empathetic. The team members had a real concern. Instead of avoiding the prospect of death, or give a speech of rational reasons and outcomes, Stacy dug into her own heart, and showed she puts herself on the line, harnessing her own sense of purpose to inspire others to stay the course.
A military officer in Singapore shared a similar experience. On an exercise at East Coast Beach in Singapore, it was late into the night and KC (former Commanding officer) and his men were tired. The team complained to KC that they wanted to rest and he should not be so harsh on them as it was just an exercise. But KC countered them by gesturing behind to the HDB flats in the distance saying: “if the enemy were to attack and get past them, their families would be next.” In both instances, drawing into the emotional “why” was central. (HJ: a bit more context on “former commanding officer”, eg of what unit or rank, and HDB flat would be helpful)
Stacy also channelled that same emotionally resonant why when establishing the Boeing Phone Tree. This initiative enabled Headquarters to reach on-site personnel quickly, locate them and help them get to safety during any worldwide crises that may emerge. Having a personal passion for keeping people safe, she shared that same sense of duty with her team. Armed with this emotionally resonant purpose, Stacy’s team felt highly motivated.
If people were aligned only with logical reasons that have little to do with them, they may not give it their all. The logic, even when compelling, may not grab everyone; some people are logical, many others are heart-led. People may do the tasks at hand but they aren’t fully convinced. Often it may seem as if Leaders must grab the bull by the horns and grab their minds to force them into action. In Stacy’s experience, “If your team does not do their work for their own personal and emotional ambitions and aspirations they won’t be fully present at their work. They will not own it or improve on it.” The transactional power dynamics of bosses and employees is very limited, ditto the money used to compensate people. The feeling of personal involvement and respect will cause people to remain and stay, when they think to themselves “what I’m doing has value” and that “I am valued and cared for.”
Stacy had another Lieutenant of Operations officer, who was not doing her job well; she also looked like she wasn’t doing well personally. Stacy sat down with her to ask her what’s going on. Stacy really wanted to understand what the Officer was going through. The conversation took a while and the Officer finally shared that she was going through a divorce. Stacy responded that she should take some time with a reduced workload, assuring her that it will not reduce her chance of promotion and that their team was going to support her until she recovered. Stacy honored her word and the Officer eventually got out of the painful situation she was in.
What made the Officer open up? Upon reflection, Stacy realised the pivotal moment was when she said the following: “Let’s not pretend we don’t have situations that are difficult, everyone does, but as a leader, I hear you are having a tough time, so how can I help you get through this difficult time?” Again, raw honesty, conveyed with empathy and care, won the day.
Leading with the heart, especially during crises, fosters trust, respect, and commitment. Engaging with team members on an emotional level ensures that leaders can inspire and effectively guide their teams through challenging times. When asked why she would use this albeit more emotional taxing route, vs. just telling people to “tough it out”, Stacy said: “If people don’t feel like you care about them, they cannot fully trust you. They need to feel your care. And only by showing that you are empathizing with them, will they begin to think that you have respect for them.” Surveys have indeed shown that when team members don’t feel cared for, they cannot fully trust their leader.
According to a recent study interviewing leaders from 2020 to 2023, moving forward, the Number 1 future leadership skill was quoted to be Empathy, defined as the ability for Leaders to connect with their team members, understand their emotions and also share in them. If you don’t engage emotionally, you leave a lot on the table.
The door to greater emotional engagement is also raw honesty, about ourselves. Stacy also shared that in the same study 90% people think they are self-aware but on average only 10-15% people actually are empathetic. Most of us are not as empathetic as we think or would like to believe.
For those of us who want to grow in empathy and emotional awareness, here are some tips from Stacy:
- Reflect often on how others are doing, and put it into your diary. You can ask questions like:
- What is the team morale?
- How are they doing?
- What emotions am I feeling and my team is feeling?
- Practice active listening when speaking. When you ask them questions, challenge yourself to do it in an open-minded way, instead of looking for an immediate solution.
- Seek to understand. When you go back to your diary or journal, ask yourself if you really understand what the other person is thinking and feeling
When leaders empathize, connect, and lead with vulnerability, teams thrive and excel. In these disruptive times, let’s do what we can, starting with our and others’ own emotions.
